Families left behind share the consequences of suicide

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Shen-Chia Chu
  • 436th AW Public Affairs
DOVER AIR FORCE BASE, Del. --  "When I wake up everyday, my heart breaks knowing that I will never be able to see the one I love ever again. It has been exactly four years and seven months ago since my father died. To this day, I still wonder if there was anything I could have done."

These were the melancholy words spoken by Senior Airman Alicia Newman, a victim of her father's suicide.

Airman Newman shared her experiences of hardship and pain with an audience of Dover Airmen during Wingman Day Nov. 21 in the old youth center auditorium. Two other women also shared the pain and anguish when a loved one commits suicide.

"My husband and I had four children and were married for seventeen years before he committed suicide," said Ann McMillan, 436th Airlift Wing Sexual Assault Response Coordinator. "I believe the problems that affected our lives were related to Vietnam and what one experiences during war. He thought he could handle his problems by himself, but it wasn't working."

Sometimes suicide isn't something that one can see coming.

"My husband was released with a bottle of anti-depressants after he told the hospital that he was feeling better, that he wouldn't attempt suicide again though it was his second attempt," she said. "When I saw him, I thought he looked better and that the medicine might have been working, but in reality he was not doing better - he had made a decision."

Mrs. McMillan asked the audience to think of all military members during this time of war - to keep in mind that they may be going through a difficult time.

The three women spoke of the remorse they felt and the trials they went through.

"Being depressed over the death of a loved one is like being wrapped tightly in black cellophane," said Patti Tillotson, a Wilmington resident who lost her teenage daughter, Stephanie. "The cellophane is so tight you can't see anything beyond the tip of your nose. You are not aware of anything that surrounds you."

"You are inwardly focused and can only experience inward pain. This is a dangerous state to be in," she said.

Mrs. Tillotson offered some advice on how she battled her depression.

"To overcome depression, map and understand the secrets of your depression slide pattern," she said. "Tell yourself it's okay to reach out to others for help - reach out before you hit any precipitous drop into total darkness and talk about how you're feeling, over and over again if you have to."

Near the end of the discussion, Airman Newman asked the crowd to think about the long-term consequences for the families left behind after suicide.

"Don't put your loved ones through this kind of suffering," she said. "Asking for help doesn't make you weak, it only makes you stronger."

For suicide prevention for yourself or a loved one, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential.