Civility today: it’s a requirement

  • Published
  • By Lt. Col. Eric Cathey
  • 436th Dental Squadron commander
DOVER AIR FORCE BASE, Del. --  When I reflect on my youth, the counselors at the local boys club really stand out in my mind. They provided me with a sense of commitment and structure everyday when I arrived there after school. Then there was my high school golf coach, Father Ivan Lee, who drove me home from the matches and tournaments. The car rides were long and through our conversations, I sensed he cared about my future. Father Lee consistently gave me the advice I needed to hear about life.

I should mention Mr. Dan Strugle, the kind, soft-spoken wrestling coach and disciplinarian. He walked the school halls every day and if the teachers made someone stand outside their class room due to misbehavior, it wouldn't be long before you'd hear a paddle sound followed by a loud "ouch" echoing throughout the school.

What is it about these experiences that helped shape and mold my existence? I'm sure each of you can reflect on any given point in your life where events or people have influenced your path and ask the same question.

The boys' club counselors taught me the fundamental rules of playing fair (whether you win or lose), how to take turns, share, and principles of volunteerism. They taught me good manners, kept me out of the streets and neighborhood gangs and directed me towards kindness. These leaders opened my eyes to a sense of community.

Father Lee was a gentleman who I could share truth about anything in my life and had absolutely no fears or shame regarding his expectations. He cared. I knew that whatever advice he gave, positive or negative in my eyes, was constructive and from the bottom of his heart. It wasn't about him, but about helping me make the best decisions and choices. Father Lee taught me the importance of sincerity.

I often wondered how Mr. Strugle could be such a mild mannered coach, yet wreak turmoil and havoc with a paddle. It seemed almost as if he was two different people. Needless to say, he had a strong discipline influence; most importantly, he taught me to have compassion and provided an example of controlling anger.

Mr. Struggle made me realize that you may have to shift the way you interact with people on a daily basis yet remain the same person. The magic behind these individuals is that they had no idea of their influence at that given moment in time, this was their daily routine or job. I'm convinced that the common fabric these types of experiences and people have in our lives is linked to civility, they all tie into the sacrifices we make to support people living together. We all make these sacrifices every day, not realizing the magnitude of effect.

When you think about it, our duty to civility towards each other is not related to whether we like a person or not. We have to be willing to sacrifice for strangers and not just the people we know. How? Simple politeness -- please, thank you, sir or ma'am, excuse me, opening doors and waiting your turn to speak is a good start. It's amazing how well we do this in the Air Force.

We sacrifice our own desires for the good of a larger community, our great country. Consider the sacrifices that are made when you sponsor a total stranger to a new assignment or work hand-in-hand at a deployed location with someone you've never met. We can all think of times where we have failed in civility; furthermore, these moments typically coincide with embarrassment and failure in relationships with people or sometimes situations in our lives.

A decision to approach each moment, each and every day for the sacrifice of others can propel us to new heights and lift others at the same time. Fortunately, our core values are intimately linked to civility and each day we serve is an opportunity to witness and embrace the greatness of other people.

I recently had the opportunity to see a close family friend's son graduate with honors from Virginia Military Institute, raise his right hand and commission as an officer in the United States Air Force. As I witnessed this event, what stood out most is that he and the other's who commissioned that day are going to be immediately vectored into a culture where civility is the norm. What a fantastic opportunity! Civility is our calling. It's the ultimate challenge while living in a society that can be fixated at times on being self-absorbed.

What we must bury to heart is that civility Is not an option; but, it is a requirement if we are going to be successful and continue to be the premier Air Force in the world.