The Day I Learned the Cost of Freedom

  • Published
  • By Major Jason Fick
  • 436th Communications Squadron commander
DOVER AIR FORCE BASE, Del. --  The toughest day in my professional life occurred when my boss gave me the difficult, yet honorable and necessary task of notifying a mother that her 19-year-old Airman died of a self-inflicted wound.

When this call came at 4 a.m. it was also not lost on my wife or I, that even though we had planned to celebrate our son's seventh birthday that morning, we could be on the other end of this notification in just 12 short years.

I will never forget the words I said when I changed this gold-star-mother's life forever, "Ma'am on behalf of the Chief of Staff of the United States Air Force I regret to inform you of the untimely death of your son. Your son died this morning of an apparent self inflicted gunshot wound in Afghanistan. On behalf of the Chief of Staff, the Air Force offers its sincerest condolences."

Even though I just provided the worst news anyone could say to a parent, this patriot thanked me for my service, told me stories about how the USAF changed her son for the better, and explained the honor it was to have her son become an Airman.

Over the next couple of weeks this mother and I talked several times on the telephone as I tried to facilitate getting answers to the plethora of questions any parent in this situation would have. As only mothers can, she had the ability to cut right to the heart of issues and give no room for wiggle.

At one point, she hit me with the proverbial 2x4 when she asked: "Major Fick, I sent you, the United States Air Force, my son. When I did, he was a whole person. I understand that he pulled the trigger, but you trained him, you equipped him, he died under your supervision, on your base, under your roof, and with your weapon. How could this happen? What did you do to prevent this?"

The only thing I could think to say was "ma'am you're correct, I don't have an answer. We have to do better." This Airman's noncommissioned officers, his friends, and his commanders also got asked, and had the opportunity to answer these questions to his mother.

Think about these questions...very serious and very difficult. How would you answer a grieving mother if one of your subordinates, one of your friends, or one of our Airmen committed suicide? Are you ready to face his or her mother? Will you be able to tell her you did everything in your power to save her son/daughter's life?

Air Force suicides are on a vector to double the rate of last year. This is unacceptable. In my opinion, the best way to prevent suicide is to be a good Wingman and never let your buddy down. My definition of a Wingman is someone who keeps me safe and never leaves my side when I'm about to get in trouble. A Wingman is also someone who I'm responsible for keeping safe and never leaving their side during trouble. If you find yourself facing a potential suicide situation, remember the A.C.E. concept the Air Force teaches us - Act, Contact, and Escort our Wingmen.

ACT: If you notice a change if your friend's behavior engage them and find out why. Often times, someone having suicidal thoughts will alter their behavior. They will post in a very different manner on social networking sites, like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn. They may start listening to different music, start giving their prized possessions away, or they may start altering the way they communicate with family and friends. They may also have a drop in their performance at work. If you notice any of these changes in your Wingman you need to ACT. A good start would be engage them and spend some quality time with them to ask how things are going and if everything is alright.

CONTACT: Never promise to keep secrets if you suspect your wingman is thinking about suicide. You need to contact someone to solicit help. The USAF has a plethora of resources to help someone that is considering suicide. Contrary to the belief by some, taking advantage of suicide counseling, will not impact on your career. When in doubt, senior NCOs, first sergeants and commanders are excellent folks to notify, should you suspect your Wingman needs help. These folks are trained to know how to get help quickly.

ESCORT - If you believe that your Wingman is considering suicide, don't leave them alone. Escort your Wingman to help. The base offers on-call mental health providers and on-call Chaplains. If you can't get in touch with either of these, emergency rooms also have on-call resources that can help. Again, senior NCOs, first sergeants and commanders can help you help your Wingman, so let them know.

Warriors, family members, and friends, suicides rates are up in the USAF and we need to break this trend. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you notice a change in your buddy, remember A.C.E - Act, Contact, and Escort and get your Wingman help. We don't want another mother to go through the horrible notification process I described above. We can break this trend one save at a time.