Live in the dash

  • Published
  • By Col. Kevin Murphy
  • 436th Medical Group
DOVER AIR FORCE BASE, Del. --  Two years ago I traveled to Chicago to attend the funeral of a close friend and high school classmate. Mike was in his late-40s and had led the life that many of us dream about before being stricken with cancer. At the wake, I met several classmates and mutual friends and we reminisced about our high school adventures, Mike's decision to join the Peace Corps after college, his career, family and how our lives had changed over the past 30 years.

The next day I attended the funeral. As I entered the church, one of the attendants handed me a memorial folder and a pen. The folder was a simple tri-fold that contained the order of events for the service, a brief bio and a prayer. I took my seat and leafed through the folder as I waited for the service to start. The front of the folder immediately caught my attention. Just below the photo of Mike, where I expected to see the date of birth and date of death, was simply a dash. It was not until the eulogy that I understood the meaning of the dash.

Mike's brother Jeff performed the eulogy. He asked those in attendance to look at the front of the folder and take note of the dash and absence of date of birth and death. A gifted speaker, he told stories from Mike's life that made the audience laugh, cry and feel happy to have known such an incredible person. He concluded the eulogy by thanking each of us for participating in and contributing to the dash that was Mike's life. Jeff then explained the reason why we were handed a pen. He said, "Mike had no control over the date of his birth and death, they were simply the bookends of his dash. If you feel the dates are important, you are more than welcome to use the pens to fill in the dates."

I left that day with a new outlook on life, a commitment to make my dash as fulfilling and meaningful as possible. I gave 100 percent and more to everything I did and after a few months I came to a startling realization; our lives are not just one continuous dash, but a series of interconnected dashes. Stick with me, I promise this will all make sense.

This month marks the 25th year of the best dash in my life, marriage. In 1990, I began another significant dash, fatherhood. My military dash began in 1992. You get the point. But, don't think dashes have to be long in duration. Sometimes it is the briefest of dashes that can have the most lasting impact on you and those around you.

In 1977, my father took me to Canton, Ohio to witness the Chicago Bears great Gayle Sayers being inducted into the Football Hall of Fame. Following his speech Gayle had a small book signing. My time with Gayle was less than 60 seconds, but it left a lasting impression. His exact words were "Read this, embrace it and things will always work out." Gayle's Book, I Am Third, had a profound effect on me and has been my guiding principle ever since...Religion is first, friends are second and I am third.

Your life is a finite set of dashes. Give your all to each and every dash because the date on the left side of the dash has already been determined, but none of us know what the date on the right side of the dash will be.